i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Nobody cheats on THIS.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
