i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
