I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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