He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
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Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
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He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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