I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
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