ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
