After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
