hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
