I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
