Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
