The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
Randomize
