They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Randomize
