We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.