I feel like abortions should bother me more
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.