I puked off the balcony.
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...