just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
