Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize
