I hate all girls vehemently.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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