Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
