So drunk its hurt
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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