I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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