i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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