I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
