im drinking this country out of the recession.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
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Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
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Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
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