So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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