dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
