dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
