does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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