I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Randomize
