Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
