What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Randomize
