But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
