i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
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