You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
