So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
Randomize
