She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
