So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
