I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
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