OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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