I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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