you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
How external is "for external use only"?
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
