I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
