i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
Randomize
