Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
This is the high leading the old right now
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
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