I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
