guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I AM VODKA MAN
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
