so explain again why im purple
no
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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