I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
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We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
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are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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