I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
