did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
