I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
