the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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