Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
