Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Randomize
