Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
only you would photoshop your dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Randomize