And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
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