are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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