my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
