dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
