She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
i love accidental penises.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
