You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
Randomize
