Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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