obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Randomize
