My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
