Kiss
Puke
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
