Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
