I just made out with a guy for $7.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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