so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
