i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
