You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Randomize
