He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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