I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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