I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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