she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
