Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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