I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
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new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
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I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
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