What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
