the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
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